Dear Peter and Molly,
I have been together with my boyfriend for almost two years. We are both returned missionaries in our mid 20's. We have met one another's families and are both stable financially. I don't want to rush into anything, but feel like we're probably ready to move to the next step, and so I brought up the idea of getting married. The topic had been mentioned before but only hypothetically. He recoiled, and explained that he was a little surprised I brought it up, and that he was happy with how things were, and not ready to commit. This is the man I want to spend my life with, but I can't wait around forever, but I'm worried if I leave him, I won't have another chance. WSID?
Thanks,
Still Single
Peter: Single, I know that I haven't done this in a while, but I'll distill your complex romantic relationship down to a simple mathematical equation. Is "How Great a Catch He is/How Willing You are to wait>Chance you will meet someone else"? The bottom line is that he is not the only one for you, and in your letter you never talk about being particularly thrilled with him, it seems like he just seems to fit. That's not necessarily bad, but you want something else now, so it sounds like he no longer fits, it doesn't sound like it would be such a loss to move on.
Molly: My first thought was that if he's not willing to commit now, there's some other issue in his life. It's possible he will never be ready to commit, but it's also possible he's working on a problem to be able to go to the temple. The two of you are long overdue for a good long talk, don't let him off the hook with a simple I'm not ready. I don't think he has to marry you, just because you've been dating for two years, but I do think he has to at least explain why.
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