Does She Need to Put Up with Office Babble?

Dear Molly & Peter,

I just graduated from high school, and had a really hard time finding a job. I felt really blessed because after turning down a couple of jobs where I needed to work on Sundays I got a job working in an office. I couldn't believe I found something like that especially now when I know that so many people are having a hard time. So part of me just wants to suck it up and not say anything, but this has really started getting to me. I work surrounded by several women who have been friends for a long time. I reached out to them, and we are all friendly, but clearly I'm the new girl. The problem is what they choose to talk about, all of their sex lives. One of them is married, and two of them have boyfriends (trust me I know) and all of them are happy to share all of their various exploits in terms that are just short of graphic. Normally I can just not talk, and the couple of times I've been put on the spot I've been able to come up with ways to get out of the conversation, but I hate having to feel dirty after a day of work. What can I say to them or should I talk to my boss?

I appreciate it,

Dirty Ears

Dirty, it's nice to hear that you are grateful for your job, and your story about being blessed for how you chose to follow the Sabbath is inspiring. You certainly don't have to put up with everything that others choose to say, but one of the difficult parts of transitioning from being a child to being an adult is having to put up with what other adults do.

Having to endure tawdry stories all day that don't make you comfortable is sexual harassment, it doesn't matter that they're women or that you're the same genders. The only thing that you need to do is express to the women once that you don't feel comfortable talking about sex.

The best idea to keep peace in a new office is probably not to start quoting legal code to them. Many people use talking about sex as a social symbol that you are friends with each other. They may be signaling to you that they feel comfortable around you. Changing the subject or a simple joke like, "I don't think we're old enough to talk about that," should do the trick.

If you don't feel like you could bring up the subject with your coworkers comfortably then you should go straight to your supervisor or your company's HR department and express your concerns. They may have more specific ideas on bridging the issue, plus they have the power to talk about the issue in company meetings, or bring punishment if necessary.

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