Dear Molly and Peter,
I have two children who are 6 and 8 years old. My next door neighbor has kids who are the same gender and age (roughly.) They moved in almost a year ago now, and the kids have become good friends. She’s a successful single mother, who is very busy, and so the two of us haven’t become particularly close. Last weekend my kids were at her house, while she was there, and then came home earlier than I had expected. My daughter (the older one) mentioned that they had been asked to leave. I didn’t think much of it, until the neighbor came by later in the week. She seemed quite upset and said she needed to talk to me. I invited her in, and she said that she had overheard my kids talking to her kids about how much they enjoy church and inviting them to come. I tried to explain that my kids did love church, and that I was sure it was a sincere gesture by my children, but that I would explain to them how religion was a touchy subject and to be more delicate next time. My neighbor didn’t seem satisfied at my explanation and said that my children had been offensive, and that she knew our faith tries to win converts, and didn’t expect that there would be a next time. What should I do? I don’t want my kids to learn that talking about the gospel means they lose friends, because deep down I’m proud of them for talking up, but I also want to keep the peace in the neighborhood.
Missionary Mama
Mama, you just can’t win everybody over. It sounds like your neighbor is doing what many Mormon parents are accused of, and trying to protect their kids from the world. Mormons exist, and her kids are going to have to deal with us someday. Explain to your kids that missionary work is so important that sometimes it’s worth the sacrifice.
Kids say the darndest things, and I find it hard to believe that your neighbor wouldn’t understand that if you were being sincere. What it sounds like to me is that you were being a little defensive and trying to solve the problem on your own terms. Maybe you can solve the problem by apologizing yourself, instead of asking your kids to do it.
It would be a big mistake to apologize to your neighbor for your faith. You were right to stand up for your children, we shouldn't be embarrassed to want to talk to others about the thing that makes us happiest.
Peter, the problem is that she doesn't want her kids to be fighting in the missionary trenches, she wants them to develop good relationships from which missionary work naturally flows. Yeah missionary work takes sacrifice, but it doesn’t require your first grader to feel like no one on the playground will talk to her.
Her kids were the ones who brought up the church! Sure they may need to be taught how to be more tactful, but they’re little kids, and apologizing for them sends the wrong message about priorities.
We do not live in a world where you have need to decide whether to stand up for the church or have friends, especially if you’re a child. Missionary Mama, you should try to reach out to your neighbor, go out to lunch with her, offer her some help, and help her see that you care for her more than just as a potential convert, and my guess is she’ll extend the same greater understanding to your kids. As a busy professional, I’m sure she’d be grateful to have such convenient play dates for her kids so close by.
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