Friendship with an Opposite Sex Widower

Dear Peter and Molly,
I'm a little bit older, but you're so good about giving advice for social situations, I thought you could help anyway. I'm a married woman, and have a couple that have long been friends of my husband and me. The wife of the couple recently passed away. I have much more time than my husband and would like to reach out as a friend to the widower, by calling on a regular basis. I do not, however, want to behave improperly as I do still have a husband.
Thank you,
Friendly in Texas.

Molly: Dear Friendly, I think that your concern for respecting your husband is commendable, however, I feel that the only thing you need to do to make sure the relationship is appropriate is to get your husband's blessing first, as long as he is comfortable with the nature of the relationship you have nothing to worry about.

Peter: I disagree, I feel like an inappropriate relationship could develop out of many situations. Friendly, you don't mention how close in age you are to the widower. If he is more a grandfather figure, you can probably go ahead without hesitation. If the ages are close enough that a romantic pairing wouldn't be unforeseeable, then I think you need to try a different approach then regular calls. Your instinct to be a friend at this difficult time is good, however, express it by having him out on the town with both you and your husband. Make sure the ward is aware of his needs so that the youth could plan a trip to give him some company.

Molly: When we let what other people are worrying about stop us from being a good neighbor, we've gone too far. Peter's ideas are good as supplements, but losing a spouse is a difficult time, and the regular calls you're suggesting could help catch a problem and care for it before it becomes too large, that the irregular night out just couldn't.

Peter: But our commitment to our spouse is greater than our commitment to be friendly, and Friendly should be wary of allowing that line to be crossed.

Molly: But calling a widower is not a violation of marriage covenants.

If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook

Should She Hug and Be Hugged?

Molly and Peter,
So, okay, I just moved to school. I grew up in the Northeast, and now I'm at a super Mormon school. Mostly I like it, but everyone hugs here it seems, like my roommate's boyfriend brought his roommate over, and he started going around the room hugging everybody. So I put my hands up kinda by my neck, to sort of nicely say, hey don't hug me random strange guy, but he goes for it anyway. This is not the only time, my roommates all know by now I'm not touchy feely, but how do I tell a random stranger don't you dare lay your nasty fingers on me without, you know, hurting someones feelings.
Thanks,
Handshakes for Me

Molly: Handshakes, you should never have to be touched when you don't want to be. While I'm sure everyone means well, a simple "None for me thanks, should give everyone a clue."

Peter: Perhaps even more effective would be to stick your hand out for a handshake. My advice, however, would be to put up with the uncomfortable hugs, you may not like them, but if you come across as stand offish to everyone who hugs when you meat, you may have a hard time making friends.

Molly: People who care more about seeming friendly than about personal space and boundaries are probably not worth being friends with anyway.

Peter: These aren't brutish people, they just like giving hugs. Think of it like going to France, and getting pecked on the cheek. I don't think I'd like it, but I'd put up with it because it is the culture.

Molly: But a trip to France for a couple weeks, and your new home for four years are different situations. You've done a good job teaching your roommates about your boundaries, hopefully these ideas will help you do the same with people you meet.

If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook

Where was Jesus in the Old Testament?

Peter and Molly,

So I saw that the last couple of Sunday's you've been answering churchy questions, so maybe you can tackle one of mine. Last week in seminary, we had a substitute teacher, we're on Old Testament, and she started talking about Jesus and the Lord, like they're the same person. So someone asked if they were, and she said that of course they were. Jesus was God in the Old Testament. Well I was super confused, and just blew it off, but decided to ask my parents, and they said that they are three people but that my teacher is also right. What?!?!? I'm so confused.

Thanks,

Seminary Dunce

Peter: Dunce, that's what happened in my seminary class! It is a little confusing, but it's really not so bad. So here's what you know. There's a Godhead, they all act as one, but it's three different entities: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Sometimes it's confusing because we call Heavenly Father "God," but it's a title more than anything, and all three are "God." Heavenly Father, doesn't come to Earth very often at all, in fact once Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, he didn't come again during the entire Old Testament, instead he sent Jesus Christ. So when they're talking about God in the Old Testament, they're talking to the same person that later came to Earth and received a body as Jesus Christ.

Molly: Peter, you're confusing me, and "Dunce," though you're not, is probably no better off. Here's the bottom line, and what you're teacher should have told you, it doesn't matter which one of them came. They're all working together, and they can all speak for each other. It would be like if I wanted to get a refund from a company with two owners. I went and talked to one of them and got the refund, and then someone asked, well who'd you talk to, and I said, "The owner." Which one is of little consequence.

Peter: I don't know that it's of little consequence. Understanding the nature of our Heavenly Father is important. Your description of why there name is the same is good, but the Lord of the Old Testament was the same person as Jesus of the New Testament. Abinadi tries to explain it in Mosiah 15:1-9, though he's not much clearer than I was.

If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook