Roommate Involvement in Husband Choice

Dear Peter & Molly,

I've lived with a roommate for almost a year now, we're really close friends, when I first met her, she was dating this guy, and she constantly complained about him, especially about how little he respected her, and called her names and things like that. Fortunately she broke it off with him just a little bit after we met. Well over the past year she hasn't gotten asked out a lot, and then over Christmas break, she went home and apparently they got back together, because she called me today and told me excitedly that she got engaged to him! What should I do? I know I can't pick her partner for her, and I want to be happy for her, but I don't want her to get into an abusive relationship. What's the best way to approach the situation.

Sincerely,

Am I too Nosey?

Nosey, that your concerned is a sign that you're a true friend, and when you see her again, you should have a long talk about her engagement. Don't accuse her of anything, and don't tell her what she did was wrong, just ask. There's a good chance that he changed, a year is a long time. Also remember you only ever got one side of the story before. A good friend will help her make sure she made the right choice, but you're right to see that it is her choice.

Abusive behavior doesn't change in one year, without some serious therapy and repentance, and getting her to get engaged during a couple week break is definitely symptomatic of someone who is controlling and aggressive. When you're lonely, you are especially susceptible to the charms of a strong type. This is the sort of time when you have to tell the truth, tell her, tell her parents, be obnoxious about it, yeah it may hurt your friendship for a time, but she'll thank you when she finally gets out of this relationship again.

Molly, so sharing the gospel isn't worth losing a friend over, but telling someone who they should marry is?

This won't lose a friend, it will help the friend, you just have to have a big picture.

Nosey, you only knew this guy second hand, just about the time your friend broke up with him, I'm not saying do nothing, but you don't have nearly enough information to go on a rampage.


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