Her 14 Year Old Sister is Dating!

Dear Peter and Molly,
     I am not the prettiest girl around, and my mother always made sure that I knew I could do more to be attractive, as a result I've struggled finding dates, and now that I'm old enough I've struggled to find someone to marry. I still have a little sister who's 14. She is much prettier than I ever was, and receives a lot of attention from boys. The trouble is my mom has never made a point of telling her about not dating until she's 16, and so she's already starting to go out with them, and she has even started calling one boy her boyfriend. My mom is either silent or encouraging this behavior. I don't want my sister to run into any problems, and I know that the standards are in place for a reason, but I'm not sure what I can do without seeming petty and jealous.

Thank you,
Protective Older Sister

Peter: Older Sister, I may be reading too much into this but it seems like you are being jealous. You're mother sounds like she was terrible and unsupportive of you and is now doing a better job with your sister and you resent it. You can't have a boyfriend without dating, but that's not my call to make. Your mother is simply trying to follow the standards of the church. It's hard when the way your parents view those standards change as you grow older, but they did the best they could with you, now they're doing the best with your sister. Try to be happy for them.

Molly: I might suggest taking your Mom aside and having a talk with her. Notice that it seems that her standards are changing, and you worry that she might be overcompensating because of the struggles that you had. Your om may simply want your sister to have more dating success than you had, and that's a big part of why she's changing her approach. Each of us are different though, and just because you didn't date as a teenager, doesn't mean that your sister has to. An open and honest conversation will go a long way to help your Mom see where you're coming from. Don't try and parent your sister, because you think your mom is doing it wrong, it's a recipe for disaster.

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