Is Bride Adding Invites for Extra Gifts?

Peter & Molly,

I have a quick question. I went to my mailbox today, and found a wedding invitation for a reception that is in two days! The bride is the daughter of our neighbor. Our family has known each other for decades, and we have occasionally been friendly, but never friends. I'm just not sure what to make of this invitation. I can't really RSVP, although it seems that tradition is all but lost in our culture anyways, but I'm not sure if the invitation is even serious, or just an attempt to extract another present. Should I go, do I need to send my regrets if I don't, am I obliged to buy a present.

Sincerely,

Hog Tied

In situations like these, I think it would be best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Even if it is very likely untrue, just assume that your friendship meant more to this other family then to you, assume that they sent the invitation because they want your company, and assume that it must have been misplaced somewhere along the way and that they intended for you to receive it weeks or even months ago. Then act accordingly, if you can make it go, if you can't because of a prior engagement, don't go, and no one is every obliged to buy a present regardless of when they get the invite.

I don't know that Peter's approach is entirely reasonable. You can't act like you got the invite months ago, because you didn't, so you can't make time for it on your schedule, and you can't thoughtfully choose an appropriate gift. I do agree that you should probably assume the invite is sincere, although I would be unfortunately unsurprised if it wasn't, but the timing of your receiving the invite, whether intentional or not, removes your social burden to respond, attend, or bring a gift.

"Social burden to respond"? What? I certainly believe in good manners, but good manners change over time and between cultures, and right now, in LDS culture, an RSVP is only expected if it is explicitly mentioned, ordinarily receptions are such simple affairs that they can easily accommodate a wide range of guest numbers.

 

OK, maybe the burden to respond isn't there anymore, but most people would think it rude if you didn't get a gift, in most cases. This case is an exception.



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