Baby Naming

Dear Peter and Molly,
Me and my husband just got pregnant. We're very excited, as you would expect. This will be our first baby. The trouble has been in coming up with a name. We both agree that it would be best if we could find a name that we both like, but we have gone through thousands of names, and haven't found a single name boy or girl that we both like. We know that at the end of the day we have to come up with something. My husband mentioned something the other day that indicated that he felt like part of his priesthood responsibility as the leader of the home was making final decisions even on issues on which there is disagreement. I agree with the basic premise of his idea, but feel like since I'm the one who has to birth the baby and will be primarily caring for the baby after it's born, I feel like the final decision should be mine (after I listen to his input of course.) If the two of you can agree on whose call it is we'll go with it. Otherwise we'd still appreciate your advice.

Sincerely,
Nameless

Molly: Dear Nameless, don't you think that when both of you finally look at the baby you'll take a deap breath, exhale and say the exact same name once you've seen her beautiful face. No? Names are tough ones because because they will be such an important part of your child's life, but even though you can't agree on a name, doesn't mean you can't agree on a system. I knew one couple that had widely different tastes, and they agreed to take turns naming a child. I knew another couple that came up with a complex algorithm of adding and vetoing names, still another couple I knew literally opened up their family history, closed their eyes and pointed. I couldn't do it any of those ways, but you and your husband need to decide together, but you don't have to agree on a name together, if that makes sense.

Peter: Picking a name that you're not happy with, is not your best option, but you seem to be misunderstanding your husband's point about presiding over the family. It's not that he always gets his way, if there's a disagreement, he's saying that he has the responsibility for balancing everyone's opinions to make sure that the family is being led happily. Sure he can pick a way to get out of the problem like Molly suggested, but there will at some point be problems you can't just get around, and families need someone to be able to make a final decision.

Molly: Families need a leader to take decisive decision in an emergency, and father's are great for that, but we don't need a quick decision here, they have months to come up with a name, and a leader is no good if they can't manage to come up with a consensus with their life partner. The official church stance is that parents are equal partners, you can't be equal if one has the "final" say no matter how fair he's supposed to be.

Peter: I think you're mixing it up. All the suggestions you made would have been good--if her husband had reached out and tried to make them. Rather it seems like he is relying on randomly picking a solution. Being a leader is about more than having the final say.

Molly: The word in the proclamation is preside, the Oxford English Dictionary says it's to act as a chairman at an assembly or meeting. They should lead the discussion, sure, but Nameless is already having the discussion. We're not talking about discussion, we're talking about a decision, and they should have an equal say over it.

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