Peter and Molly,
So I'm 15, I'm not like a little kid that snuck onto facebook, I did it totally legit, I set up my account, and got all my friends, and then the next day my Mom wants to be my friend, she says it's so that she can see everything I'm doing on facebook. So I didn't do anything, and then the next day, she's all like if you don't accept my friend request, you lose your facebook privilege? What? What's the point of having a facebook if you're mom is watching everything you do? What can I tell her so that she'll back off?
-Friendless
Peter: Dear Friendless, you can say thank you so much for the facebook privilege mom, I'll do whatever you'd like. Honestly, if you don't want her to write cute messages on your wall that all your friends can see, ask if you can give her your account password, that way she can look in and make sure everything's okay, without you having to admit to your real friends, that your facebook friends with Mom.
Molly: I think the point wasn't how to avoid being friends but how to get some privacy. You must have felt like your Mom finally gave you this wonderful gift of growing up and then took it away. Talk to her about it, explain that you want a little bit of internet freedom, and come to a compromise. Understand she just wants what's best for you, and internet safety is important. See if you can make a deal, where you'll only facebook where she can see you, or something similar that will work for both of you.
If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Baby Naming
Dear Peter and Molly,
Me and my husband just got pregnant. We're very excited, as you would expect. This will be our first baby. The trouble has been in coming up with a name. We both agree that it would be best if we could find a name that we both like, but we have gone through thousands of names, and haven't found a single name boy or girl that we both like. We know that at the end of the day we have to come up with something. My husband mentioned something the other day that indicated that he felt like part of his priesthood responsibility as the leader of the home was making final decisions even on issues on which there is disagreement. I agree with the basic premise of his idea, but feel like since I'm the one who has to birth the baby and will be primarily caring for the baby after it's born, I feel like the final decision should be mine (after I listen to his input of course.) If the two of you can agree on whose call it is we'll go with it. Otherwise we'd still appreciate your advice.
Sincerely,
Nameless
Molly: Dear Nameless, don't you think that when both of you finally look at the baby you'll take a deap breath, exhale and say the exact same name once you've seen her beautiful face. No? Names are tough ones because because they will be such an important part of your child's life, but even though you can't agree on a name, doesn't mean you can't agree on a system. I knew one couple that had widely different tastes, and they agreed to take turns naming a child. I knew another couple that came up with a complex algorithm of adding and vetoing names, still another couple I knew literally opened up their family history, closed their eyes and pointed. I couldn't do it any of those ways, but you and your husband need to decide together, but you don't have to agree on a name together, if that makes sense.
Peter: Picking a name that you're not happy with, is not your best option, but you seem to be misunderstanding your husband's point about presiding over the family. It's not that he always gets his way, if there's a disagreement, he's saying that he has the responsibility for balancing everyone's opinions to make sure that the family is being led happily. Sure he can pick a way to get out of the problem like Molly suggested, but there will at some point be problems you can't just get around, and families need someone to be able to make a final decision.
Molly: Families need a leader to take decisive decision in an emergency, and father's are great for that, but we don't need a quick decision here, they have months to come up with a name, and a leader is no good if they can't manage to come up with a consensus with their life partner. The official church stance is that parents are equal partners, you can't be equal if one has the "final" say no matter how fair he's supposed to be.
Peter: I think you're mixing it up. All the suggestions you made would have been good--if her husband had reached out and tried to make them. Rather it seems like he is relying on randomly picking a solution. Being a leader is about more than having the final say.
Molly: The word in the proclamation is preside, the Oxford English Dictionary says it's to act as a chairman at an assembly or meeting. They should lead the discussion, sure, but Nameless is already having the discussion. We're not talking about discussion, we're talking about a decision, and they should have an equal say over it.
If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook
Me and my husband just got pregnant. We're very excited, as you would expect. This will be our first baby. The trouble has been in coming up with a name. We both agree that it would be best if we could find a name that we both like, but we have gone through thousands of names, and haven't found a single name boy or girl that we both like. We know that at the end of the day we have to come up with something. My husband mentioned something the other day that indicated that he felt like part of his priesthood responsibility as the leader of the home was making final decisions even on issues on which there is disagreement. I agree with the basic premise of his idea, but feel like since I'm the one who has to birth the baby and will be primarily caring for the baby after it's born, I feel like the final decision should be mine (after I listen to his input of course.) If the two of you can agree on whose call it is we'll go with it. Otherwise we'd still appreciate your advice.
Sincerely,
Nameless
Molly: Dear Nameless, don't you think that when both of you finally look at the baby you'll take a deap breath, exhale and say the exact same name once you've seen her beautiful face. No? Names are tough ones because because they will be such an important part of your child's life, but even though you can't agree on a name, doesn't mean you can't agree on a system. I knew one couple that had widely different tastes, and they agreed to take turns naming a child. I knew another couple that came up with a complex algorithm of adding and vetoing names, still another couple I knew literally opened up their family history, closed their eyes and pointed. I couldn't do it any of those ways, but you and your husband need to decide together, but you don't have to agree on a name together, if that makes sense.
Peter: Picking a name that you're not happy with, is not your best option, but you seem to be misunderstanding your husband's point about presiding over the family. It's not that he always gets his way, if there's a disagreement, he's saying that he has the responsibility for balancing everyone's opinions to make sure that the family is being led happily. Sure he can pick a way to get out of the problem like Molly suggested, but there will at some point be problems you can't just get around, and families need someone to be able to make a final decision.
Molly: Families need a leader to take decisive decision in an emergency, and father's are great for that, but we don't need a quick decision here, they have months to come up with a name, and a leader is no good if they can't manage to come up with a consensus with their life partner. The official church stance is that parents are equal partners, you can't be equal if one has the "final" say no matter how fair he's supposed to be.
Peter: I think you're mixing it up. All the suggestions you made would have been good--if her husband had reached out and tried to make them. Rather it seems like he is relying on randomly picking a solution. Being a leader is about more than having the final say.
Molly: The word in the proclamation is preside, the Oxford English Dictionary says it's to act as a chairman at an assembly or meeting. They should lead the discussion, sure, but Nameless is already having the discussion. We're not talking about discussion, we're talking about a decision, and they should have an equal say over it.
If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Snooping Neighbors
Peter and Molly,
My family just moved to a new neighborhood, we're anxious to make new friends, and tried to go around and introduce ourselves. Our next door neighbors seemed a little suspicious they started asking us questions about where we were from, and our jobs, and then they went and asked us about our criminal history. I was a little taken aback, but I guessed they were just trying to be safe. Well then I would occasionally go to close a curtain, and I'd see them just happening to be at the window right across from us. They'd usually wave, but after it happened a couple of times, I started to get weirded out. Then yesterday I am driving back home, and as I pull up I see the same neighbor looking in our mail box. I'm starting to feel like I'm under surveillance. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Under the Microscope
Peter: Microscope, I'd be weirded out too. Take some simple precautions that will help protect you and your family's privacy. Make sure you have curtains on all of your windows, and keep them closed. Ensure that your doors are always locked, and if possible purchase a motion detecting light for your front door. Then go to your post office and ask about options for lockable mail boxes. Buy a shredder, and make sure you shred any documents or mail before you throw it out. Make sure your fence is secure, and that the gate to your backyard has a lock.
Molly: If your neighbor is really so worried about their safety that they would violate yours, then they have a screw missing, and trying to stay away from them is likely only going to make their suspicions higher, and make them amp up their attempts to learn more about you. If they're opening up your mail box, they've violated the law, secure a lawyer to write them a letter explaining how their behavior must stop and consequences if it doesn't.
Peter: I'm surprised you'd jump to that Molly, you're the one who never wants to ruin a friendship. The reality is that while the facts seem weird, the only thing that was actually wrong was opening up the mailbox, and it's possible that they were just walking home, and got disoriented and opened the wrong one. I'm not saying it's no big deal, but taking simple personal steps will allow them to still open the door of friendship down the road, your approach closes it entirely.
Molly: Maybe one accidental mail box opening, but this is a pattern, and it's one that is making Microscope feel unsafe. The ship on friendship has sailed, it's time to protect yourself.
If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook
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