Neighbor Kid Scratched Up Her Table

+February Wedding Letters
Dear Peter and Molly,
When my husband and I were first married his parents gave us a beautiful dining room table as a gift. We have taken good care of it, for the last ten years. Last week, our son had a friend over "Jerry", he is 8 years old. Our son is pretty low key, and so I don't usually hover over him when he's playing. After the friend had left, and I was about to set dinner on the table I saw two dinner knives and our table scratched excessively, and several stick figure people on the table. I asked my son (he's our only child) about what happened, and he said that Jerry had thought it would be fun to do some wood carving. I asked my son why he didn't stop him, and he said that Jerry was sure that it would be okay. I called Jerry's mother, and told her what happened, but Jerry said that it was my son's idea! I'm not sure what to believe or what I can do. It's not like I can go without a dining room table, and it would be terribly expensive to replace. Should I expect Jerry's parents to cover the expense?

Sincerely,
Cave Man Carvings

Molly: Carvings, I understand how frustrated you must be that your beautiful table has been defaced. A table, though, just isn't worth ruining a relationship over. Would it have been better if the culprit just admitted it, probably, but we don't know who's telling the truth. Buy a beautiful tablecloth and make it a regular fixture on your table, no one will know the difference.

Peter: Difficult situations don't have to be friendship ending situations. Call Jerry's mom back, and say that you want to get the boys back together to figure out what happened. Have her there too, so she's not worried you're interrogating her son. Wait for them to get their stories straight, and then have the boys develop a plan for how they can pay you back for the table. And don't make them pay for the whole table, you can get the table sanded and refinished for much cheaper than buying a whole new table. It may even be a fun project if one of the boy's dad is enjoys carpentry for them to work on.

Molly: The problem with Peter's solution is that if Jerry is much more domineering than your son, which it sounds like he is, then magically they'll arrive at what Jerry thinks is the truth, you can't let your son be bullied into accepting responsibility, just let the issue slide, and don't let Jerry into your kitchen unsupervised.

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How to Avoid Pressure to Cheat?

Dear Peter & Molly,

Is that your real names, like Peter Priesthood and Molly Mormon, because if so that is too cute? I don't exactly have a problem, I just want some advice. I'm about to go into 8th grade. My brother was in 8th grade two years ago, and he told me about all of the cheating, and it kind of freaked me out. At the time I just thought that I would be able to tell people that I didn't do that kind of thing, but I've started to make a lot of really good friends, and school is scary enough, I'm worried that I might lose them if I don't start cheating with them next year. I even started to see it a little bit this year, like when my teacher left the room, fortunately no one asked me for any answers, because I don't know what I would have done. My brother, though, said that 8th grade was way worse, and that everyone did it. I hope it isn't as bad for me as it was for him, but if it is what should I do? Losing my friends is not an option.

Signed,

Scared in Jr. High

Peter: Dear Scared, thanks for your letter, Molly and I wanted to take this one because this is one issue that we do both agree on and so we wanted to speak out about it. To answer your first question that's not our real names, but thanks for asking, we just thought it was cute idea.

Molly: I think the most important thing we need to remember is that cheating is wrong. Some things are just worth doing because of a sense of what is right and wrong, and being honest to ourselves, and cheating is one of those issues.

Peter: I know you've heard the old saying cheaters never prosper, and it's hard to see that sometimes when they pass classes, get good grades on tests, and never face any consequences, but the saying talks more long term. I know when you're in Jr. High it's hard to see how knowing all that stuff matters, but it all will come back, and not knowing it will hurt you.

Molly: Not only that but getting used to being able to take the easy way out teaches you that you can get something for nothing. You can't get something for nothing. No one can, there is always a price, sometimes we just don't see that price right away.

Peter: As for your specific situation, I don't think you're going to have as hard of a time as you think you will. Everyone's experience is different, and just because your brother had a harder time with cheating in 8th grade, doesn't mean you will. You have already gotten a group of friends, and those friends have never asked you to cheat before, they're not just going to all of a sudden become cheaters. If they've shown you they want to be honest, keep them around you, but never be afraid to make new friends either.

Molly: You certainly know that I am a big believer that you can live the gospel and keep your friends. I agree with Peter that it's good that your friends have shown you that they don't cheat, but even the best people make mistakes, and it's important that if you are asked to cheat you can tell them no without ruining your relationship. Try saying something like, "Dang, we should have studied together before the test." Or if they want your homework say, "Sure I can help you with your homework after school." Let them know that you want them to be successful in school too, that is just one way you can't do it.

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YW Breast Augmentation

Dear Peter and Molly,
     I have two teenage sons who are very interested in the young women in our ward. There is one in particular that caught my son's eye, and it's no secret that he harbors a little crush. The girl is very sweet, and sincere, but comes from a less active family, and often seems to have different ideas. This was manifest most recently when she arrived at church and her chest had grown by about at least two cup sizes. She's still a teenager, and I know that sometimes growth spurts happen, but I suspect something a little more surgical. This certainly hasn't ruined my son's interest in her, in fact I heard him telling his brother how 'hot' she looked on Sunday. It feels like none of my business, but I want to at least address the issue with my sons. What can I say?
Warmest,
Mama au Natural

Peter: There is no need to address the issue directly with this girl, but it could be an opportunity to talk about the importance of our bodies in our faith, and proper ways to take care of them. There is no specific church doctrine about plastic surgery, though in October conference seven years ago Elder Holland said, "Fixation on the physical...is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive." He was particularly concerned that these fears don't reach our children.

Molly: Mama, I think it's sad that this girl doesn't have the support at home to realize that she was beautiful the way she was, but what she decides to do with her body does not become your business just because your boys ogle her. When her name comes up, change the topic to a recent accomplishment or talent of hers, your boys will understand the point you are trying to make.

Peter: Sure they may understand it, but without addressing the issue in a specific way, the boys will likely just blow their mom's opinion off. I agree that singling her out isn't helpful, but the boys aren't small, they're going to get it if randomly mom brings up plastic surgery.

Molly: That's why she shouldn't bring it up. There is something naturally embarrassing about salivating over a woman's body. Simply correcting her sons will be the equivelant of "My eyes are up here" it will draw attention to their bad behavior. The boys should be able to fix it from there.

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