My fiance just proposed and we are starting to plan the reception. I am a returned missionary, and so I've been to several sealings before and understand how important they are. It is my desire to keep the focus of our wedding on the sealing by making it the last part of the festivities. I worry that by having a big party after the sealing we'll be worried about arrangements later that day and won't be able to fully appreciate the crowning ordinance of the gospel. I told my mother what I wanted to do, and my reasonings for it, but she is simply aghast. She doesn't think that anyone would want to celebrate a wedding that hasn't even happened yet, and she thinks it would be inappropriate, because it would give people the impression that we were already married when in fact we weren't. I know that most people have their reception after the wedding, but surely having it a couple hours before isn't exactly misrepresenting ourselves. My mother is very supportive in most ways, and has been very generous in helping to pay for the event. Is there a way I can help my mom see things my way, or should I try to find other ways to help focus on the sealing?
Signed,
Focused Bride
Peter: Focused, just because something is traditional doesn't mean we have to do it that way, but often something sticks around because it works. I happen to agree with your mother, before the wedding there is nothing stopping you or your (still) fiancee from getting cold feet and walking out. I know that probably won't happen, but because it can what should be the celebration of your marriage ends up feeling more like the uneasy and nervous build up to your wedding. Imagine trying to have the party celebrating a successful run of a play while all of the actors are preparing anxiously back stage.
Molly: Focused your point is an important one, and something that I think many people lose in preparing a wedding. Since most brides who plan weddings have never even attended a sealing before, the only thing they know how to prepare is the party afterwards, and because that is what most people are going to attend that ends up becoming the focus.
Peter: I'm not saying that you just need to accept that the party is the focus, but a party is to celebrate something, and that is what you just did. You want a party that celebrates an event that will happen soon, but most parties celebrate an event that just happened. People will naturally look back at the sealing at your reception, because you're celebrating the sealing. A way that you can help ensure that is by having pictures or images of the temple at your reception. Some brides even have pictures from the temple printed at a 1 hour photo and put in frames for the reception. If you or others will be doing any speaking at the reception make sure they mention the sealing earlier that day.
Molly: I'm sure this will not be the last time where you try and get someone to be excited about one of your ideas while you're planning your wedding. Remember what you need is good persuasion, and good persuasion is not getting people to do what you want even if they don't, it's getting people to want what you want so everyone is happy. Help your mother see which of her goals might be better accomplished if you have the reception beforehand. For example you'll be there to help clean up after the reception, she will be able to relax after the sealing, you'll be there for all the set up, and both of you will have lots of energy to visit with her friends and family.
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