Should She Wait for Him?

Dear Peter and Molly,

I've been dating this boy for about two years. He's going to leave on his mission soon. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I've loved him since we were 14. We've always been in the same ward, and I think he's amazing. He's a little bit older than me, but we were the same year in school. When I first turned sixteen I dated a couple different boys, but all I ever wanted was to be with him. I want him to go on a mission, cause I know that's what he should be doing, and I want to keep writing him, cause I'll only be 20 when he gets back so I want to wait for him. I don't want to date anyone else, I'm just not interested. I'm not going to lie, I do see myself marrying him eventually, but I know that I'll have to give it an honest chance when he gets back because I do know that people change, but I know him and I really think he'll only change for the better. Here's the problem, everyone is telling me not to wait for him. My mom thinks it's dumb to wait for boys on missions, my Dad says that if it's meant to be it'll happen and to just keep dating, even my young women leaders tell me I shouldn't miss out on all of the fun that I can have by dating while he's gone. I even asked my Bishop and he wouldn't tell me what I should do, but he said that it helps missionaries focus if they don't have to worry about a girlfriend at home. I don't want to ignore everybody but I just don't know if their advice applies to me, what do you two think?

Signed,

Pre-Mi

Peter: Pre-Mi, it sounds like you've given this an awful lot of thought. It sounds like you understand all of the reasons to tell your boy good luck and good bye, so I'm not sure what else you want to hear from me except permission to keep him, and if all you want is permission, then sure why not. It's a real sacrifice, you're deciding to make for him, and it's completely unnecessary, and besides a cute story that will make others feel bad about not being in as perfect of a relationship it won't give you any benefit, but if you want to make a specific decision to wait...it's your two years not mine.

Molly: I think what my sarcastic sidekick is getting at is that this isn't as big a choice right now as you think it is. If you want, promise to keep writing, it's not like you can really be dating while he's gone, then when you get asked out, make the decision then, and one at a time. Ask do I want to go out with this guy. You can decide to "Not Wait" without deciding that you're relationship is over.

Peter: I don't want to write myself out of a job, but when all of the adults in your life are giving you the same advice, then most of the time that's the right advice. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the moment that it's hard to see everything, but if the choice is obvious then everyone who sees it will be able to tell. I assume that you trust your parents, bishop and young women's leaders, and they know you, him and the situation then I ever could.

Molly: Peter is right about seeking the best counsel, but don't ever forget the difference between counsel and a decision. You're the one that's going to have to live with whatever decision you make. There are consequences for dating others, you may get swept away, and you may end what could have been a great relationship, maybe those are risks worth taking but lets not pretend they aren't risks.

Peter: If you go out on other dates and meet someone who works better for you, then great, but if you don't, then at least you'll appreciate your missionary more when he gets home. Perhaps when you do start to see all of his flaws they won't seem like such a big deal. There are no downsides to dating others while he's away.

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What Should She do with Man Stealing Friend?

Peter & Molly,

So a couple of weeks ago a new guy moved into our ward. I told my best friend in the whole world, how cute I thought he was and that same day he started talking to me too. So since then we've been talking at school and mutual and like that. Well today I found out that my best friend asked him out to go see a movie, because "he doesn't know a lot of people around here yet." What? He knows me, and she knows I like him, and she didn't even say anything to me about it. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Back Stabbed BFF

BFF,

How old are you?

I don't know why it matters, but I'm 17. Thanks, for the help.

Peter: BFF, It matters that you're 17 because it's probably not the best idea to have a steady boyfriend right now anyway, so the fact that your friend is going out with him, means little. Keep flirting with him, have fun with him, maybe even go out every once in a while.

Molly: Peter, I'm sure that's what you would want if you were the new boy in town, but even though BFF isn't serious dating yet, that doesn't mean it's okay for your friend to blindside you. You had talked about this boy before. You should tell her that you're hurt. But make sure not to blame her, or you'll have a big fight, just talk about your feelings.

Peter: Better yet, ask her to double, bring another friend along, and all have a good time. It's a movie, not her wedding.

Molly: But it's possible that it will become something long term, and for a friend to bully her way in without even talking about it, isn't respectful of BFF's feelings.

Peter: It sounds like your saying once a girl claims a boy, no one else can touch him, that sounds awfully possessive of men, almost like they are the property of women.

Molly: Not nobody, just your best friend.

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Modesty Reviewed

Peter and Molly,
I am a full grown man, but I have a similar question to High School Hunk. What exactly am I supposed to do when I see women who are clearly dressing to show off their undergarments. It doesn't matter if I'm at the office, or shopping, or unfortunately even at church. Apparently it would be off limits to mention anything about it, but what am I supposed to do? Stare at the ceiling? Immodest clothing is distracting, is there any way to respond that is appropriate?
Sincerely,
Not looking

Molly: Not Looking, start looking at them, in the eyes. I think you are trying to create a problem where there isn't one. I love men's calves something special, yet I can manage to watch a church basketball game without objectifying all the men there.

Peter: Your situation is different because you can't quote sections of the Strength of Youth pamphlet to the people you work with or that help you at the store. If you are a supervisor and clothing is not professional you can say so. Otherwise do your best to keep your thoughts clean. Don't worry about offending them, no one shows off things they don't want you to see.

Molly: Even if their purpose is to share (which is not necessarily the case) do not stare, members of the church should not be synonymous with dirty old men. Find some self-control and look them in the eyes.

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Easter Bunny Sunday

Happy Easter, we thought that this blog was appropriate for the week before Easter Sunday, however, you may not want to have your very young children read it, unless you think it's okay first.

Dear Peter and Molly,
My husband and I have a disagreement that we can't come to a conclusion on, and so we wanted your opinion. I want to tell my children about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, he says that how will our children believe in the important things we tell them about Christ if they found out we were lying about Santa. I say it's not that hard because they'll see how Christ is an important part of adult life, where as the others are not. Our oldest will be having his first Christmas soon, what should we do?
Sincerely,
Not the Grinch

Peter: Does that mean your husband's a grinch? I have nothing against Santa Claus, just like I don't have anything against Tom Sawyer. They are fictional characters, and fiction is very good for teaching truths. Santa is very helpful for teaching about generosity and the gift of Christ, and the Easter Bunny is great for learning about new life. I don't understand the elaborate means we go to in order to shelter children from the fact that these characters are fiction.

Molly: I know that there is a good argument to be had on the other side, but this is something that I agree with Peter on. Francis Church fibbed to little Virginia, there is no Santa Claus. Christ was real, he lived, and he lives. Santa Claus is a great story, and clearly it means a lot to many people. I would suggest that you don't go out of your way to tell other people's children that Santa and the Eater Bunny are fiction, but I would suggest that you help your children get in the habit of believing what you say.

If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook