I've been dating this boy for about two years. He's going to leave on his mission soon. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I've loved him since we were 14. We've always been in the same ward, and I think he's amazing. He's a little bit older than me, but we were the same year in school. When I first turned sixteen I dated a couple different boys, but all I ever wanted was to be with him. I want him to go on a mission, cause I know that's what he should be doing, and I want to keep writing him, cause I'll only be 20 when he gets back so I want to wait for him. I don't want to date anyone else, I'm just not interested. I'm not going to lie, I do see myself marrying him eventually, but I know that I'll have to give it an honest chance when he gets back because I do know that people change, but I know him and I really think he'll only change for the better. Here's the problem, everyone is telling me not to wait for him. My mom thinks it's dumb to wait for boys on missions, my Dad says that if it's meant to be it'll happen and to just keep dating, even my young women leaders tell me I shouldn't miss out on all of the fun that I can have by dating while he's gone. I even asked my Bishop and he wouldn't tell me what I should do, but he said that it helps missionaries focus if they don't have to worry about a girlfriend at home. I don't want to ignore everybody but I just don't know if their advice applies to me, what do you two think?
Pre-Mi
Peter: Pre-Mi, it sounds like you've given this an awful lot of thought. It sounds like you understand all of the reasons to tell your boy good luck and good bye, so I'm not sure what else you want to hear from me except permission to keep him, and if all you want is permission, then sure why not. It's a real sacrifice, you're deciding to make for him, and it's completely unnecessary, and besides a cute story that will make others feel bad about not being in as perfect of a relationship it won't give you any benefit, but if you want to make a specific decision to wait...it's your two years not mine.
Molly: I think what my sarcastic sidekick is getting at is that this isn't as big a choice right now as you think it is. If you want, promise to keep writing, it's not like you can really be dating while he's gone, then when you get asked out, make the decision then, and one at a time. Ask do I want to go out with this guy. You can decide to "Not Wait" without deciding that you're relationship is over.
Peter: I don't want to write myself out of a job, but when all of the adults in your life are giving you the same advice, then most of the time that's the right advice. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the moment that it's hard to see everything, but if the choice is obvious then everyone who sees it will be able to tell. I assume that you trust your parents, bishop and young women's leaders, and they know you, him and the situation then I ever could.
Molly: Peter is right about seeking the best counsel, but don't ever forget the difference between counsel and a decision. You're the one that's going to have to live with whatever decision you make. There are consequences for dating others, you may get swept away, and you may end what could have been a great relationship, maybe those are risks worth taking but lets not pretend they aren't risks.
Peter: If you go out on other dates and meet someone who works better for you, then great, but if you don't, then at least you'll appreciate your missionary more when he gets home. Perhaps when you do start to see all of his flaws they won't seem like such a big deal. There are no downsides to dating others while he's away.
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