Responses to All Greek to Them

Dear Peter and Molly,
I wanted to write and respond to the letter you posted on January 10 from All Greek to Them, the man who was worried about using too much church lingo at work. I wanted to say that I really appreciated your advice, I was in a similar position at work with several other members. They followed the advice you gave to Greek, and would include me in their activities, including ones that were church related. Eventually I became curious, asked them about it, and joined the church. I know not all stories have a happy ending, but it's worth it for those couple that do. Thanks,
I Understand Now

Peter: Understand, thanks for writing in, I'm glad that it worked out so well for you. We had another reader who had a different perspective on the same letter.

Dear Peter and Molly,
Thank you for your response to All Greek to them. I work as a Human Resource Specialist at a large company, and while our employees should be able to feel comfortable with their own beliefs it's important that others feel comfortable not having them. As Latter day Saints we seem to be ingrained to believe that we're the outsiders but when that's not the case it's important that we recognize it, and respond accordingly. Many companies have policies that would punish employees for being any more explicit about their beliefs than Greek was being.
Sincerely,
HR Specialist

Molly: Thank you for that additional insight. In almost every case we should be able to follow our obligation to our employer and our missionary obligations as well. We appreciate everyone's support. If you feel like you have some good advice that we're missing, also don't hesitate to send us a letter or leave a note in the comments.

If you have any questions e-mail us at PeterMollyAdvice@gmail.com or find us on Facebook

Should She Sign a Prenup

Peter and Molly,
I met my fiance at school, and absolutely fell in love with him. When he took me home to meet his parents I was blown away to discover that he came from a very well to do background. He proposed, and we are now making wedding plans, but he approached me the other day saying his Dad wanted me to sign a prenuptial agreement before the wedding! I'm not totally naive, and know that at the end of a long life you want to protect yourself from someone who just wants your money, but we're getting into this for a lifetime commitment, I'm just not sure what the point would be. Do Mormons even do prenups? It seems so skeezy to me.

Sincerely,
Prenuptial Bride

Peter: Dear Prenup, the question isn't so much that he's making you sign one, which as you point out can be understandable it's asking the question, why? What does he have that he doesn't want to share? Why doesn't he want to share it? How worried is he about the relationship? It's certainly not a relationship breaker, but it should raise some red flags you need to answer.

Molly: My honest guess, and that's all it is, is that he is a trust fund baby, and your fiance's dad is worried you found out about it. If you're in the marriage for the long term, then you probably have nothing to worry about, I agree with Peter that you should have a conversation about it, though I disagree that this is a big red flag. For many wealthy people this is just a standard procedure. Do, however, get an independent lawyer to look at the agreement for you. While I know you love your fiance, and don't believe he would do anything to hurt you, a prenuptial agreement could include any kind of language and is a binding contract. Don't jump into it blindly.

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Should She Wait for Him?

Dear Peter and Molly,

I've been dating this boy for about two years. He's going to leave on his mission soon. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I've loved him since we were 14. We've always been in the same ward, and I think he's amazing. He's a little bit older than me, but we were the same year in school. When I first turned sixteen I dated a couple different boys, but all I ever wanted was to be with him. I want him to go on a mission, cause I know that's what he should be doing, and I want to keep writing him, cause I'll only be 20 when he gets back so I want to wait for him. I don't want to date anyone else, I'm just not interested. I'm not going to lie, I do see myself marrying him eventually, but I know that I'll have to give it an honest chance when he gets back because I do know that people change, but I know him and I really think he'll only change for the better. Here's the problem, everyone is telling me not to wait for him. My mom thinks it's dumb to wait for boys on missions, my Dad says that if it's meant to be it'll happen and to just keep dating, even my young women leaders tell me I shouldn't miss out on all of the fun that I can have by dating while he's gone. I even asked my Bishop and he wouldn't tell me what I should do, but he said that it helps missionaries focus if they don't have to worry about a girlfriend at home. I don't want to ignore everybody but I just don't know if their advice applies to me, what do you two think?

Signed,

Pre-Mi

Peter: Pre-Mi, it sounds like you've given this an awful lot of thought. It sounds like you understand all of the reasons to tell your boy good luck and good bye, so I'm not sure what else you want to hear from me except permission to keep him, and if all you want is permission, then sure why not. It's a real sacrifice, you're deciding to make for him, and it's completely unnecessary, and besides a cute story that will make others feel bad about not being in as perfect of a relationship it won't give you any benefit, but if you want to make a specific decision to wait...it's your two years not mine.

Molly: I think what my sarcastic sidekick is getting at is that this isn't as big a choice right now as you think it is. If you want, promise to keep writing, it's not like you can really be dating while he's gone, then when you get asked out, make the decision then, and one at a time. Ask do I want to go out with this guy. You can decide to "Not Wait" without deciding that you're relationship is over.

Peter: I don't want to write myself out of a job, but when all of the adults in your life are giving you the same advice, then most of the time that's the right advice. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the moment that it's hard to see everything, but if the choice is obvious then everyone who sees it will be able to tell. I assume that you trust your parents, bishop and young women's leaders, and they know you, him and the situation then I ever could.

Molly: Peter is right about seeking the best counsel, but don't ever forget the difference between counsel and a decision. You're the one that's going to have to live with whatever decision you make. There are consequences for dating others, you may get swept away, and you may end what could have been a great relationship, maybe those are risks worth taking but lets not pretend they aren't risks.

Peter: If you go out on other dates and meet someone who works better for you, then great, but if you don't, then at least you'll appreciate your missionary more when he gets home. Perhaps when you do start to see all of his flaws they won't seem like such a big deal. There are no downsides to dating others while he's away.

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