Peter & Molly,
I have a quick question. I went to my mailbox today, and found a wedding invitation for a reception that is in two days! The bride is the daughter of our neighbor. Our family has known each other for decades, and we have occasionally been friendly, but never friends. I'm just not sure what to make of this invitation. I can't really RSVP, although it seems that tradition is all but lost in our culture anyways, but I'm not sure if the invitation is even serious, or just an attempt to extract another present. Should I go, do I need to send my regrets if I don't, am I obliged to buy a present.
Sincerely,
Hog Tied
In situations like these, I think it would be best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Even if it is very likely untrue, just assume that your friendship meant more to this other family then to you, assume that they sent the invitation because they want your company, and assume that it must have been misplaced somewhere along the way and that they intended for you to receive it weeks or even months ago. Then act accordingly, if you can make it go, if you can't because of a prior engagement, don't go, and no one is every obliged to buy a present regardless of when they get the invite.
I don't know that Peter's approach is entirely reasonable. You can't act like you got the invite months ago, because you didn't, so you can't make time for it on your schedule, and you can't thoughtfully choose an appropriate gift. I do agree that you should probably assume the invite is sincere, although I would be unfortunately unsurprised if it wasn't, but the timing of your receiving the invite, whether intentional or not, removes your social burden to respond, attend, or bring a gift.
"Social burden to respond"? What? I certainly believe in good manners, but good manners change over time and between cultures, and right now, in LDS culture, an RSVP is only expected if it is explicitly mentioned, ordinarily receptions are such simple affairs that they can easily accommodate a wide range of guest numbers.
OK, maybe the burden to respond isn't there anymore, but most people would think it rude if you didn't get a gift, in most cases. This case is an exception.
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Dear Everyone,
So, it's been a pretty cool first week, and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, but it's the weekend now, and so we're going to cut down to one problem a day. They should be fun, though, Saturday's are going to be the letter we thought was the most interesting of the week, we'll call them Salacious Saturdays, and then Sunday we'll answer the questions you asked that we're more spiritual/doctriney/churchey, we'll call those Sunday School Sundays, we'll have to come up with a better name next week, but it should be fun, so to all of our readers, lets dive into our first every Peter & Molly weekend.
Peter & Molly,
Thanks for asking me to send you a letter, I actually do have a problem and some outside eyes might help. There's this guy (isn't there always,) and he asked me out, and it was just dinner and a movie but still we had a good time, and then at the end he said he wanted to see me again! Great, right, so we set up a date for next Saturday, well in the meantime I'm talking to my best friend, and she's all excited because she has a date on Friday, with guess who, the same guy! So I don't know what to do, I know we aren't an official couple, but if he was that interested in me, maybe he could have managed to fit me into his Friday date slot, and secondly doesn't this strike you as just a little sketchy? Part of me doesn't want to go out with him at all, but even if I do, what do I say, "hey, how was your date with my best friend last night?" Should I expect my friend to cancel her date too?
Sincerely,
Not the Other Woman
Hey Other,
Thanks for the question, we were wondering though how old you are?
Thanks,
Molly & Peter
Molly,
I'm 18, but I'm in the YSA ward.
Other, what you should do is have something come up that you can't get out of Saturday night, and then never worry about him again. No, you didn't have a commitment to him, but trying to juggle dating multiple woman at once is not the sort of relationship you want to get into, either.
The only thing I agree with Molly about, is that you shouldn't bring up the date with your friend. Going out with more than one person at once is not a problem, until you're in an exclusive relationship. You're not. In addition, he could have already had the next date scheduled, when the two of you had a good time. It's not like he could cancel it. Go out, have a good time, don't rush getting into a relationship, just enjoy the time for whatever it is.
I understand what Peter is trying to say, but it applies to outdated ideas about dating. It would be nice if everyone saw a first date as just a time to go out, but no one does, and so this really does give you an insight into what kind of guy this is.
The kind of guy that wants a better dating culture than he was given? Even if this was a sign that something was wrong with this guy, don't just give up, there could be lots of other factors.
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Peter & Molly,
Guys, I need your help. I don't make a lot of friends, and so when my first roommate and I hit it off, I stayed with her for the last 3 years . She's graduating at the end of the semester, and she's going to move across the country for her job. I'm happy for her, but I'm terrified. I just don't have anyone else. I'm thinking of transferring schools so I can go be her roommate. My family says I'm crazy. Am I?
Thanks,
Soul (Room)mate
Roommate, yeah. I don't want to seem harsh, but you're being unrealistic. What happens when your soon to be ex roommate gets married.
Transferring schools is a nightmare, you have to have a lot better reason than having a hard time making friends. If you really can't make friends, then you need to learn, and this is a good opportunity to do so.
The more I read your letter, the more I think this has more to do the way you feel about your current roommate, and less about your fears for the future. Many people fear finding new friends, but no one moves away to do it. It doesn't make any sense. You and your roommate have a long overdue conversation, include your bishop if it becomes necessary.
Maybe a friendly person like Molly doesn't understand, but social anxiety is real, and does lead to crazy ideas, but don't run from your fears, face them. Many colleges have on campus counselors, they may help you face your anxieties.
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